SassyLeo

11- Amazing Grace
12- Nag Champa
14- Stella Mare Orange Candle
15- Love Pendant
16- Handmade Soap
17- Rosie Thomas
18- Bran Van 3000
19- About A Boy
20- Cell Phone Car Charger

Check back for more...

I have been instructed by Sizzle to create a Wish List. This is my first one ever, so bear with me if I stumble, seem humble or overzealous.

In no specific order:

1- Velvet Pillow from UO

2- Starry Friends Necklace

3- Journey Paperweight

4- Small and Large Groove Frames

5- Good Charma Lariat Necklace

6- Spiral Heart Pendant

7- The Drag King Book

8- Queer Families Book

9- Shoulder Massager

10- Almost anything from this website

More to come....

What is your pet peeve, the one thing which really drives you mad? 
Submitted by Beki.  

-people and their sense of entitlement

-leaving the cupboard doors open

-packrat behavior

Oh, there is more...but I don't want to sound like a supreme bitch.

Christmas is weird. Well, for me.

My mother is a Turkish Jew and my father is Irish. We were not religious in any way. Basically we had a Christmas Tree with lights and ornaments and random nik-naks around the house that were gifted to us or my dad found in the trash. And that's a story for another day. So, I remember in 2nd or 3rd grade, we made these red clay figurines that were supposed to be Mary & Jesus. We kept them wrapped in foil and somehow they never got hard and cracked... I put them out every year even though, frankly, I don't think I liked them. You know I'm fairly certain my mom kept those for like 20 years. Anyway, then we also had a little table set up with a menorah and various dreidels. On Christmas morning, someone would play Santa. Meaning, one person would pass out the presents one by one to each person. This way it lasted for hours. We still do this, 33 years later.

These days, I don't get a tree or decorate my house. It's kind of pointless to do it just for me, since I live alone. And honestly, the thought of putting and taking down decorations isn't very appealing. Someday when I have a partner to share the holidays with, I might be more excited...but right now it is just me a my cat. And I think Eli would be more excited about tearing down the decorations than enjoying looking at them.

So Christmas for me is about spending time with my family, my quirky but perfect family. My mom and I usually go over to my dad and his partner's house. They have a tree and decorate somewhat...they have now resorted to the artificial tree, something I never thought would happen. But considering they are both neat/clean freaks it was just a matter of time. We hang out all day, open presents, laugh, eat...enjoy having a day off and spending time with each other. I love giving gifts, seeing the excitement and joy on one's face when they open something they really like makes me happy...like blissfully happy. So despite my sorta bah-hum-bug-ish attitude about the holidays...I am grateful that I have a family I adore to spend them with.

I have decisions to make...and I don't want to make them.

I just spent 3 awesome days in Portland and 2 in Seattle. I had 3 interviews with companies who basically would hire when I decide to move. Open job offers are nice to receive... but honestly, it just made the decision harder to make. I feel like I have option paralysis.

Really what became clear to me is that I need more time. I need more time to think about my intent. What is my intent behind moving? What are my priorities? What do I want to be when I grow up? Ok, well, that is always evolving...but at some point I have to figure out how to successfully support myself in a job/career that won't make me want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Ok, ok...not really... I can support myself fine and I like my job for the most part...

Really, at the moment, I would like to not be working. I'd like to take some time off to travel...sleep in, knit, see concerts, be crafty, dream, paint, take road trips...bascially reflect on my life. God I sound like a mid 30's soul searching type... UH...when did I become so predictable? HA.

All of this for me comes down to timing. I am aware that everything happens for a reason, in the right time, at the right place... etc. All those cliche's are accurate most of the time. So I just have to trust timing. Trust in the process.

As Max Ehrmann says...no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...

• It is so quiet at work that I have time to do a blog post.
• We picked out the maid of honor and bridesmaid dresses for Natalie's wedding.
• I bought a new (used) car: 2004 Silver Toyota Rav4. I will post a pic of mine shortly.
• I am going to visit Portland and Seattle next week.
• I don't like conference calls.
• I am feeling the urge to go shopping and this is not the best weekend to do it.
• I want to be self-employed.
• I like and use multi-colored file folders.
• My body aches. I am coughing. I am tired. My head hurts. I might have the flu.
• I wish I had someone to cuddle with.
• Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I get to spend the day with my family. I actually love it.
• I don't like cranberry sauce or cranberry flavored stuff.
• I think I am addicted to photo frames.
• I like giving and receiving cards "just because"
• Where did 2006 go? Didn't Prince just tell us to party like it's 1999?
• I love the trees and leaves in Autumn.
• I am committed to never wearing seam-down-the-middle polyester pants, even when I am 80 years old.
• Flirting makes me happy.
• I'm craving a Bounty Bar.

Clients piss me off. Yes, they sorta pay my salary....ok they do... <grumble>.

Let me give you the low-down. I live and work in a small-ish town. The population of the county I live in is about 57,000. During the dotcom era, this was a mini Silicon Valley, but now we have no more than 20 large companies and the rest are small mom-n-pop type businesses. And of course, because it is a beach/resort area...we have tons of hospitality businesses.

One of my top clients is in the agriculture business. They are well known, so I won't mention them here, but I will say they have some yummy products. I work my ass off for this company and in turn, I make some great money :).

One of the executives I work with at this company is a woman. Yes, it makes me happy that a woman is in a position of power, but I gotta tell ya, her EGO does not make me happy. In the last month, she has "forgotten" about 2 meetings we had set up. She has complained about the caliber of consultants we have provided.

The biggest issue of all: SHE.DOES.NOT.LISTEN.

You know those kind of people who talk and talk and talk about themselves, then wait anxiously while you are talking (pretending to be actively listening) for a quiet moment to jump in and continue to talk about themselves? Yes, she is that kind.

It is tough in this area to find consultants who are highly educated and experienced because this is a BEACH town. This is not Silicon Valley. This is not NYC. We have ONE University, which only in the last 4-5 years has grown it's business and accounting program. This is town where many folks have 2 or 3 jobs doing massage and "personal coaching" and "energy healing" and to help pay the rent, they do temp work or have a part time clerical job.

So when she calls me and says "I need an Sr Level SOX Consultant with an MBA and CPA to come in and do audit work", it takes everything in me not to laugh. We have discussed this many times, in fact every time we talk I give her the same schpeal...

...And still she asks at the end of every conversation... "so, do you have someone who could start Monday?"

TGIF.

Mevienne

1 comment

So as I get older, I find that I have much more tolerance for babies and kids. I actually even like (and love) some. I still don't want any of my own... but damn if I didn't fall madly in love with my best friend's baby, Vienne.

Angelic and I have been friends since I was 15. We took Geometry together with Mr Dong. I was a Sophmore and she was Junior and new to my high school. As mentioned before, we were both weirdos in everyone else's books, so naturally we bonded.

We both also worked at Michael's Arts & Crafts for years. So did my friend Natalie and eventually Sizzle. That's where Angelic met her guy, Raul. They've been together for probably 10 years? We've had ups and downs over the 

angelic and raul 2004

years, even spent some time barely speaking. We've lived together and almost killed each other, but came out better in the end.

I've got several really really close friends in my world. We all have talked about who would get married or have kids first. I was always the last, but Angelic was right in front of me, next to last. But low and behold, she was the first of my group of friends to have a baby.

Vienne is now almost 1.5 years old. And can I tell you how flippin' cute she is? Whenever I visit, I spoil her rotten...who knew I would love baby clothes/toys/trinkets shopping so much!

And now Natalie is getting married next April...I am the maid of honor. The wedding is in Florida. Yes, Florida. In the middle of the heat & humidity, I will be wearing a maid of honor dress...hopefully -gracefully- sweating my ass off while makeup drips down my face. Thank God she has good taste and all of us in the wedding party get to wear black.

So the whole point of me telling you this is that tomorrow I get to spend the day with 2 of best friends and the cutest baby in the world, while we discuss wedding plans...and debate love, life and the pursuit of happiness.

I have the radio on at work, some local station that plays "80's Lunch" at noon. I'm always a sucker for 80's stuff, especially music. I'm sort of a mix of a 60's, 70's and 80's kid, love me some Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Seals & Croft, and Depeche Mode :). I was in Junior High/High School in the 80's. Sometimes it feels weird to say that. When did I become 33?

Anyway, I always equate music with memories.

The last song they played in todays 80's Lunch was "Forever Young" by Alphaville.

So this was the theme song for the one of the Proms at my high school that I never went to. Frankly no one ever asked me to the prom and at the time I said... "I don't care... I'm a rebel" Blah. Right. Really, of course I wanted to be asked... but I was too much of a weirdo. I think I scared people. See Post #15-26.

How I stayed sane was by hanging out with my friend Angelic. She had a fucked up family life and mine was beyond weird, so we spent alot of time driving around, shopping at thrift stores, going to the movies, making collages with cut up magazines, being anti-social and listening to music. I seriously think music saved us both from ourselves. Sometimes we would just sit in her (or my) room, listen to Live105 and make mix tapes. Often, we would skip school and go to SF to hang out or Berkeley. At some point, we both got fake ID's and spent alot of time at One Step Beyond. We had crushes on older boys, pretended we were part of the cool "indie" crowd. Though, back then they called is "mod". We spent many a "$2 Tuesday" at OSB. Some days, we would stay out until 2am and then still go to school the next morning. (Sometimes I wonder how I still managed to keep all my grades at A's & B's (ok, I had 2 C's and 1 D)).

Music is so much of my identity, how my world has been shaped. And I'm grateful.

So tell me, do you have any songs that you associate with memories?

Mondays are never my favorite day of the week. I feel like I did not get enough rest this weekend, in fact I think I could have slept away the days... and in fact I could sleep right now. I know it is because I am processing alot of heavy stuff lately. Don't you wish life was sometimes just easy...?

In the last few weeks, I have watched 5 romantic relationships dissolve. Not all mine, of course...though 1 was mine. It seems many people are experiencing shifts. I have to admit I am feeling a bit jaded about even the possibility of dating again...but even despite that, I gotta tell ya I have to be hopeful. I can't not be hopeful that somewhere out there is a person who can put up with my neurosis and in turn, I can put up with their baggage. Ok, I've got baggage too... ahem. Anyway, whenever I think about this stuff, I sing this song (she's not my favorite by any means... but the song is beautiful) ... yes...I sing it out loud :)

Everything

Alanis Morissette

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here